is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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