if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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