I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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