found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
