The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
