Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
a search helicopter?!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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