Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize