I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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