every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize