Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
