You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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