did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
