Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Randomize
