she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
