Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize