So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
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He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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