Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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