carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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