I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
