it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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