i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
