apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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