bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
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I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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