i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize