Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
