Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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