good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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