i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Let's get the cat blown out
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
