I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is Oprah even human
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
