I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk