your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it