I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened