Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
