I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did