How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.