i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
