Will you blow on my dice?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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