Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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