ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
