Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
