also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
