you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
