i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
