omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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