I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Help me help you realize you are a moron
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
