I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
