help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
