Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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