oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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