I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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