Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
