her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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