my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
