You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
