Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize