My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
