You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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