You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
