Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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