We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Where did you get a picture of my penis
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
